College and Boys

Walking Cosby tonite and talking with my girl friend about college and our sons next year. I can't tell you how much it means to me to have Doug going to Nazareth.

I talked to Jeff after Doug had made the decision to go to Naz and I asked him what he thought about it. We had talked before -- Jeff and I -- about how much we were going to miss Doug when he went away to school. With the news of him going to Naz, Jeff was so happy. (Heaven forbid that he show this side of himself to Doug...however.) We planned then on both of us watching his brother play lacrosse next year.

I can't tell you what it meant to me to watch my boys play lacrosse together this year. I called Nana and Gramps more than once in Florida to report on seeing them play together and how proud I was of them both playing on the same team. We talked strategy at the dinner table. NOTHING WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO JEFF THAN PLAYING WITH HIS BIG BROTHER ON VARSITY. He glowed when he played out there with him.

It is a great memory to have -- of watching the two of them out there on "their end" of the field -- Jeff weaving back and forth in front of the goal -- and Doug going back and forth behind the goal and on the sides near the goal.

I pray that someday I can remember that memory without hurting. I believe I will be able to -- I just wish I could fast forward through the hard times.

I am going away for part of this holiday. Alone -- for the first time since Jeff's death -- I crave it really.

Mom