The July 4th holiday - Didn't go to the Adirondacks as planned as it rained. Had the pleasure of having brunch with Jeff's long time/closest friend, Lauren. A good friend of mine whose son died 6 years ago told me that one of the ways she keeps in touch with him is by being with his friends. I find so much comfort in continuing to keep in touch with Jeff's friends. I feel like I am with "a little part of him". Have seen Lauren off and on, connected with James, Jimmy, Austin as well. Jeff had so very many other friends - he was so lucky to have some many people he cared about and so many people who cared about him.
I am too. As I said at Jeff's funeral, two things I know for sure. 1) Jeff packed into his short 15 years what people in their 80's and 90's only dream of having packed into their own lives. Jeff's love of life, energy and enthusiasm, passions for lacrosse, mastery of the trumpet, extreme mischieviousness, twinkle in his eye and expertise in any other thing he put his mind to -- all far far exceeded his years on this earth. and 2) I have been and continue to be blessed with more than a person's "fair" allotment of wonderful friends/family. I think that neither one of these is a coincidence.
Jeff loved like there was no tomorrow. I hope that I will remember this as I would like a love like that to be said about me when I die. I am so fearful that his friends will have such a hard time dealing with Jeff's death, they are so very young. But then I walked with one of them like I did tonite, I realized that the wisdom that has come to HIM as a result of Jeff's life and death is simply remarkable and I think maybe Jeff's life and death have had a huge positive effect on more than this this young man and me. Maybe his spirit will live on in visible ways that I will be able to see, hear, feel and touch in people who have known him OR who have known me.
It is three months since Jeff died tonite. I miss him dearly.
I go to the cemetary every day to water the plants at Jeff's gravesite and to put new cut flowers in the vases. Last night was the first time that I went to the cemetary at night. I loved it. I felt much more of a connection to Jeff than every before. And for that I am grateful.
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