Christmas Is Behind Us!

What a roller coaster of a ride this month has been.

I am so pleased that it is finally coming to an end.

Christmas was okay...meaning that we plowed through it again.
John and Doug and Dave and Britt and I had were together for brunch which was fun.
We went to the movies together to see "Marley and Me". When I heard about three months ago that this was coming out on Christmas Day I had to smile. What a wonderful sign from Jeff -- and a wonderful way to incorporate his memory into our Christmas day -- by going to see a movie about a yellow lab -- the object of Jeff's tenderness for many a year before he died. Turned out, lots of people had the same notion and the show was sold out. So we went and so "Bedtime Stories" - light and funny -- just what was needed. John, Doug and I had dinner that night -- a good dinner at that. John and I went to the cemetary at night and lit a candle at the site of Jeff's grave.

I miss him terribly. I have been talking to him a lot these days -- I think talking to him makes it easier for me to get through these days without him.

Lighting a candle at the gravesite on Christmas day makes me feel good -- I love riding off and seeing the only light spot in the cemetary and knowing that that is yet another sign of Jeff -- like the light that he shared with us during his life.

I still write about Jeff's death and often think about Jeff's death as if it was the death of someone else's son.

There was a Boston Globe article sent to me several weeks ago by my sister Peggy.
It was an article written by a women whose son had died about people whose children have died. The one quote that was in the middle of the article resonated with me.

A quote from Pam Warnick on the death of her son... "It's unimaginable. You can't ever make sense of it, so you're never going to totally believe it."

I don't think any one has every said anything to me since Jeff died that I feel explains to me the sense of disbelief that continues to surround me and in many ways, makes me able to go through each and every day.