Start of School(s)

Today is the first day of school for Sutherland High School...Jeff, if he were alive, would be a sophomore.....I miss him so. I spoke with some of Jeff's friends over the past couple of days - I feel connected to Jeff when I speak to them. I am so lucky to continue to have them in my life.

The most amazing thing recently happened - John and I moved Doug into his dorm at Nazareth. Doug is in college and I am so very excited for him. All kinds of memories of my college years at UMass are popping up (some a little scary to remember given my son is now that age) but mostly I just think of all the learning -- socially, academically and politically and it makes me feel good to know that Doug is now embark on his own path to adulthood.

That Doug is at Nazareth and that Nazareth is so close to us makes me feel good. I can't imagine having to drop Doug off far away at school given Jeff's death.

John and I dropped Dave, John's son, off at SUNY Purchase this week. That campus even looked a bit like UMass' although Purchase is a lot smaller than UMass. I was so very nervous for Dave -- going to school and living far away from family and friends. At one point when we were walking around with Dave though - he started walking in front of us and I noticed the young male saunter -- he was walking with four of his baseball buddies and it was such a cool sight to see them hanging together.

I wrote an article in the local newspaper last week about the media's abysmal behavior surrounding Jeff's death -- I couldn't read the article when it was published. It seemed like a good idea when I submitted it, but when it was published I felt way to exposed. What was I thinking? I so desperately want to do something good with the pain of Jeff's death. I feel like I owe that to Jeff given all the good he did in his short life for so many others. The article got picked up by a blog published by the Poynter Institute that teaches journalists and journalism students. Maybe they can help me shake things up a bit locally - then again maybe I am daydreaming about it.

I noticed again the leaves that had dropped down from the trees already. Slowly but surely they will start accumulating. Another season without my boy. I continue to need signs from him. I believe that he is ok where he is -- but I need to feel his continued presence.