Ron

A few hours ago, I learned that a colleague of mine was just admitted to the hospice program. Ron is a wonderfully tall teddy bear of a man -- I have only know him a year and since I only work part-time here I haven't had a lot of interaction with him. But I am quite fond of him. Over the past year, he has always said hi to me in passing. He frequently came into my office to chat. Since I hate closing up because I am always afraid of setting off the alarm -- Ron,who worked late like me, would always warn me when he was about to leave. I would gather up my bag and such and leave with him - knowing that because of him the office would be locked properly and the alarm would not go off.

So right after Christmas, Ron started to not feel well. He is 62. Between then and now he learned that he had cancer which is holding his entire body hostage more or less.

My heart aches for his wife. They have no children. I keep replaying in my head my before and after pictures. Life before - I am changing in the conference room of the Medical Society into my jeans and green sweatshirt and sneakers. I place my work clothes on a hanger and carry them outside and into the car. Mapquest map in hand shows me where to get to Spencerport. I start down East Avenue towards Culver and get the call.

"Mom, Jeff got hit by the ball. Mom, it is bad. He is knocked down and the ambulance it here."

A blink of an eye and life as I knew it changed dramatically.

Part of me oddly enough feels better about Ron dying than I would have felt two years ago. I am somewhat envious. He will be meeting Jeff soon.

I keep imaging myself running and running like there was no tomorrow...and running right into Jeff's arms...held out for me and giving me a big hug. Then I am thrust back into reality and realize Jeff is dead and it will be way too long before I get to hug my son again.

I pray for Ron's wife. I suspect Ron has grown even though it has only been a few weeks - to accept the inevitable. Chris, his wife, hasn't even begun her suffering.

I feel so sad.

Kathy said to me this afternoon while we were talking about Ron something like "Life sucks, doesn't it?" I responded with "It certainly doesn't turn out the way we would have imagined."

I miss and yearn for Jeff so much. Ron will get to see him before me and it simply isn't fair.

I learned I will have no job come July 1st - another unexpected turn. But not a life and death one. Those are the ones that really throw you for a loop --for a lifetime.