The Shawl

I decided the last day I saw Ron, on February 13, that I wanted to start a "Shawl Ministry" as they call it. And I decided I had to write here about the story of the shawls.

After Jeff died, I received two prayer shawls - a white one and a dark green one. I wore the green one a lot that summer and I felt Jeff's arms around me in his infamous bear hug whenever I wore it. It was an unbelievable comfort. Maybe 5 months after Jeff died, I received a third shawl in the mail. It was purple, my favorite color. It was made by my friend, Deb, in Minnesota. I worked with Deb closely when I lived in Chicago. It meant a lot to me that Deb, whose mom is dying, took the time to make and mail the shawl to me.

The first Christmas I was without Jeff was an excruciating one. About a week or two before Christmas my "sistas" Peggy and 'Laine invited me to have lunch. When we got together, they made me close my eyes and presented me with another purple prayer shawl that they together knitted for me. I felt so touched. Peggy and 'Laine were two of the four local sistas that were with me in the hospital when Jeff died.

When I learned Ron was dying, I wanted to go visit him but I felt a little reluctant to do so. He meant a lot to me and I was concerned about his wife but I had only known him a year. I decided to go see him at Strong and at the last minute decided to bring the green shawl with me for his wife.

When I got to Strong, I found his floor and somewhat timidly approached the closed door to his room. I walked past the door and saw that there were perhaps five people sitting in his room with him. I had just decided to go home when out walked his wife Chris asking me if I were looking for her. I said yes ...told her I was Jeff's mom and about his death, and said that I was here to drop off a prayer shawl for her. She invited me in.

Ron was lying in bed with only a nasogastric tube in his nose. To my surprise he was quite alert. When I saw him I immediately got nervous and stupidly asked him "How he was?" to which he calmly replied "surviving".

I quietly spoke to Ron and explained to him that I had brought this prayer shawl "for your wife...and of course for you" I told him that I knew he would be greeted by a wonderful blue eyed boy who would give him a big hug and in fact I wanted him to give Jeff a huge hug for me. We spoke a bit longer and then I said good bye.

A couple of days later I was at work and several people told me that Chris had told them that the shawl had meant a great deal to Ron and that he had been holding it since I gave it to him. Ron died that night -- between the night he died and the night of his wake I heard from other people about how much Ron and Chris had appreciated the shawl. On Friday night, John and I went to the funeral parlor to see Ron's body. When we approached the casket, I saw that Ron was holding the shawl in his hand. I was moved. Chris again thanked me for giving it to them and told me about how Ron didn't want to let go of it those last few days -- and that at one point he had gotten blood on it and he asked that it be washed immediately and taken back to him right away.
The next day there was a celebration of Ron's life held at the Interfaith Chapel. I could not go but I went to the gathering afterwards held at the hospital association. When I got to the gathering I was immediately told that there were about 4 people who spoke at the celebration. Chris spoke about my giving them the shawl and what it meant to them both. When I finally saw Chris at the gathering I saw her from afar. She had the shawl wrapped around her and was holding it tightly. When we finally spoke, she thanked me. I explained that it wasn't a gift from me but that it was a gift from Jeff.

Since then I have taken steps to start a prayer shawl ministry. If necessary, I will use some of the money from Jeff's fund to go towards materials. Friends of mine and Ron's upon hearing this story have decided to knit or crochet one and donate it to the ministry. I plan on taking the shawls to patients and families in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit as well as hospice patients and their families.

And each step I take towards making the ministry possible will be another step I take accompanied by my favorite blue eyed son Jeff.