The First Snow That Stuck and Markers

I have incredibly wonderful memories of my mom in the snow. I don't know whether she really loved being out there with us kids or not, but if she didn't she put on a good show. She took us sledding a lot, and she pulled us around on sleds a lot. The grocery store was right down the street from where our house was so she would often take a sled and go down there and get a bag of groceries and sled back with the bag on the sled. I remember snowmen - lots of them and snow forts. I remember snow angels. I remember exactly how the trees on Ash Street looked when they were covered with snow -- so majestic. And I remember shoveling our very long driveway which was about the length of the one we have now.

So it is no wonder that as an adult I too love the snow. Some of my best memories of the boys involve us sledding at Mendon or even at the small hill at Sutherland which when they were young was mammoth to them. I think one time we went to the Middle School and sled down some of their hills. I remember Jeff in particular playing a lot with Cosby, who also loves the snow. He would chase him around and tackle him - much like he tackled him inside for the better part of his life. I remember watching the two playing a number of times and it made me feel so wonderful to see his joy in playing. I remember one conversation I had with Jeff right around this time when he announced that "he was pretty sure that elves were real." I remember one Christmas one of the boys taking a chair and sitting in front of the Christmas tree and just admiring it for a bit of time.

We -- Jim and I -- got Jeff an Xbox 360 the Christmas before he died. He had wanted one very badly. He asked me and I told him that it was simply too expensive to buy --which was the truth. Finally, I talked to Jim, my exhusband, about us chipping in for It. We didn't usually do that - given the animosity that was between us -- especially when we went back to court. But I knew how much Jeff wanted it and I really wanted for him to have it badly so I just had to ask.

I will never forget his face when he went downstairs that Christmas and saw the big box and began to open it and realized it was Xbox 360. I don't know whether he was more amazed at the fact that he got it OR the fact that his divorced parents had chipped in together to get it for him. I think it was both. He kept on saying "I can't believe that you and Dad chipped in together to give it to me." I must say that I was proud -- proud of Jim and I for just this once working together again to make one of the kids smile.

Last week, Jeff's marker finally came in. I don't know what to say about it. I started working on his marker with John about a year ago - having gone to the "stone guy" together to get an idea of choices and prices. Jim and I simply could not work together on the stone over the past year. Whenever I brought up the conversation, it was not the right time. Jim wanted something more traditional, me something more unique to Jeff. First, I thought of a carving of him as a lacrosse player, then I thought of some words (lots) to describe him. Some of the things the kids wrote about him on the tombstone seemed nice. Doug didn't like that. Some other phrases seemed nice. But they didn't seem fitting. I finally decided with Doug on something we both liked. Told Jim about it and he hated it. Tried to work together on something else but Jim wasn't interested in working or even communicating with me anymore given the more recent divorce settlement. So -- I struggled a bit. Why compromise if Jim wasn't willing to work with me on the compromise? Why "give in" if he wouldn't even recognize that I did?

In the end, I remembered the look on Jeff's face when he both saw the Xbox AND realized that his dad and I had TOGETHER purchased it for him.

True, I had developed what to me was the perfect epitaph. Doug, Lauren, John, 'Laine liked it. Even the "marker guy" got upset when I told him I might change it.

I changed it some after this. What I have on it is neither my first choice nor Jim's. But I believe Jeff is happy with it. As best Jim and I could for now, we came together to give Jeff what he would like.

I love you so much Jeffer. I simply can not believe that you are gone.

Mom