Nearing the Day

As I come up to the 3rd year anniversary of Jeff's death I am thinking about so much. Mostly - how Jeff's death will never ever feel real to me. Next - is how angry I am about the fact that Jeff died. I would do anything to touch him - I would do anything to see him smile - to hear his laugh - to hear him taunting his brother. It is so awful - this whole thing. It should have been me -- and I thought it so odd when Steve Nelsen said that after Seth died. But that isn't depression speaking -- that's simply fact. I was supposed to die before him. Parents die before their kids and anything different from that is unnatural and just shouldn't be.