So Here It Is

So here it is ...

It is June 28...and I have made it two days past June 26th...the day that Jeff would have graduated from high school.

And I know that Lauren made a terrific speech about him (she read it to me) at graduation. And they left a chair open for him. And I knew that there was a really nice picture of Jeff up on the screen while she was talking(because they asked me to send one) and I was told that Lauren got (no actually it was Jeff so I was told) a standing ovation from the class after she spoke about Jeff. Jeff was mentioned at the Mendon graduation as well. And in both yearbooks. And all of this is really really nice... but me...
...all I want to do is roll up in a ball and disappear. And maybe reappear beside my beautiful blue eyed boy...and take in his wonderful smile. I want to hear him say when I ask him a question like "where have you been Jeff?" hear him say in his impatient voice "One minute mom" as he sticks to playing his computer game like he has done a thousand times before.

I simply have no desire to be here and to be experiencing this world...that has the AUDACITY to continue to go on ...without my youngest "most favorite blue eyed boy" graduating. He is owed this. Jim and I are owed this. Jeff should be doing this now, with his classmates and friends.

Congratulations Jeff. You continue to make me proud of you. - Mom