Not Knowing

No knowing is so hard. John's surgery was more invasive than we originally thought. So there is an incision the length of his nose - necessary to take his tumour out...and there is one across the bottom of his eye -- under his lower eye lash...necessary to insert a mesh "sling" below his eye socket to support it. The eye socket was weakened by the cancerous tumor. To me, the scar isn't as bad as his eye. His eye has what is called chemosis. It has yellow fluid on the last third of it. He can't close it all the way and he can't see out it properly. So he can't drive.

There are so many things that scare me right know I don't know where to begin.

Mostly all of the unknown - whether his eye will ever be the same, whether he can work again, what the radiation will do to him, what this whole thing will do to him.