So much has gone on since July 4th that it is hard to know where to start to describe it. It hasn't been good -- just hard. very hard. What do you do when someone you know - a young adult - is going thru a severe mental health crisis? What do you do when each decision you make about it seems like it could be a life or death one for the person? Child rearing is hard enough and such an inexact science but when you are dealing with your sweetheart's kid -- who isn't a kid anymore but an adult chronologically while a child mentally -- it is awfully hard. And it is hard not to have the entire situation and the fact that it is occurring at your house take control of you and your head, heart and health.
The good news is that today we took a break from the situation in that it was just the two of us at home...so my birthday was a good day...actually a pretty great day. Doug came over and cooked blueberry pancakes, eggs and turkey bacon and made blueberry coffee. It was great. So relaxed. Sam was here also. And so enjoyable. Off to Ithaca with Cos and John and mostly we could escape some and enjoy the beautiful lake and hike. A fantastic dinner on the grill. Excellent Dairy Queen ice cream. All is good...
Until I remember what or rather who isn't here. And my mind wonders as to what Jeff would look and act like now. I saw James this week and he was broader - no longer a kid definately a young man. I wonder about Jeff. I wonder if he would be working out a lot now. Would he have the muscles that James has? I wonder where he would be going to college and how well his lacrosse season last year would have been.
And I think about the young man living with us now and all of the craziness that has gone on over the last 6 weeks and all I want to do is scream. Have we not had enough - with Jeff's death, John's cancer and now this? Why is it so hard. It should be Jeff I am coming home to at night who makes me laugh not a quiet house where I enter, enjoy that it is quiet for the moment, then hold my breathe waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because I know it will.
The good news is that today we took a break from the situation in that it was just the two of us at home...so my birthday was a good day...actually a pretty great day. Doug came over and cooked blueberry pancakes, eggs and turkey bacon and made blueberry coffee. It was great. So relaxed. Sam was here also. And so enjoyable. Off to Ithaca with Cos and John and mostly we could escape some and enjoy the beautiful lake and hike. A fantastic dinner on the grill. Excellent Dairy Queen ice cream. All is good...
Until I remember what or rather who isn't here. And my mind wonders as to what Jeff would look and act like now. I saw James this week and he was broader - no longer a kid definately a young man. I wonder about Jeff. I wonder if he would be working out a lot now. Would he have the muscles that James has? I wonder where he would be going to college and how well his lacrosse season last year would have been.
And I think about the young man living with us now and all of the craziness that has gone on over the last 6 weeks and all I want to do is scream. Have we not had enough - with Jeff's death, John's cancer and now this? Why is it so hard. It should be Jeff I am coming home to at night who makes me laugh not a quiet house where I enter, enjoy that it is quiet for the moment, then hold my breathe waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because I know it will.
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