More Memories Needed! and Rambling

Ok- so I haven't quite figured out this blog thing. But I think it will get easier once I spend some time trying to figure out how to work it.

I NEED MORE STORIES!! I really really really feel the need for more Jeff stories -- as these are the only memories I have of him and I really do crave Jeff's presence in whatever way I can get it.

I was thinking about taping his friends -- maybe having a couple of his friends take a tape recorder and some day when the friends are with other friends they could all chat a bit about Jeff stories and record them on the tape recorder. But that seems 1) impractical to ask of teenagers and 2) artificial. But maybe I don't care about either of these so I will try it anyway.

I also think I am going to spread the word again about my need for Jeff stories on this blog. The original intent was to have this function like the kids Facebook - James has a section on his where kids can write things to Jeff and I wanted a place where people would feel comfortable writing something about Jeff. I guess that I am trying to figure out a number of places I can go to hear about Jeff and see Jeff as best I can. I think the tape idea is the closest I can get to "saving" Jeff's voice ...since his cell phone no longer works. But then again - maybe I will ask you -- does anyone reading this have Jeff's voice someplace maybe in a video? If you did please let me know. Also, the way that you comment to a particular section is by clicking on at the bottom of the section the place were it says "0 comments" (or hopefully more than 0) and it will take you to something which on the right shows you a box where you start writing, then you click on how you are or whether you want to be anonymous then you click publish post and then that it that.

I want to share with you all a couple of great things about Jeff and a challenge. First off, I can hear Jeff continuously clapping these days as I finally am getting rid of my hideous plaid rug in the kitchen. Yes, we have lived with this hideous rug - hating it -- since the moment we set foot into the house. As of Thursday, it will be gone. Interestingly, as concerns the rug, Jeff never complained about it to me -- but I could just tell from his eyes that he hated it as much as we all did. And I wanted to yell about how hideous it was, but I couldn't cuz I was the adult. I just never got around to replacing it - mostly cuz I was the lone adult I couldn't spend the time figuring out how to change it and what to put in its place. Now - the good news is that the rug is to be replaced with a "real floor". The bad news is that I wish like all hell that I still didn't have the time to do it.

More about feeling Jeff's presence - I am hoping to teach a couple of school health classes this year about death and grief. I feel so very strongly that how we as a country -- deal with death -- or don't -- makes grief so much more painful for everyone. And I would like to do something to change this. My article in the D and C (and I am supposed to put a link here, but only God and likely Jeff knows how to do this) was my first attempt as doing something positive in Jeff's memory. Teaching this class is another. Then there's the fact that the doctor who was supposed to tell us Jeff died never EVER used the word either died or any of the millions of euphemisms for it. It ended up that we (Jim actually) had to ask if what he was telling us was that Jeff was brain dead. This is pathetic -- someone in his position not learning how to do this and needs to be changed as well.

Also- I am going to organize a pancake dinner in Jeff's memory as a fundraiser for Jeff's foundation and the lacrosse association. Ought to be time consuming around the holidays which I need and a good way to stay in touch with the lacrosse community/my friends.

One other thing - someone who will remain nameless - BUT YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!! - was talking to me the other day and started to get all chocked up when she was talking about Jeff. Then she apologized for it.

I want to tell you that you can never ever speak too much to me about Jeff. Please ask how I am doing in terms of Jeff's death. If you get chocked up, that's ok. If I get chocked up, that's ok by me and hopefully by you. I know Jeff was loved by so many and my big fear is that we will forget Jeff. I would much rather have you speak to me of Jeff than not say anything at all about him or his death. The latter hurts unbelievably.

So -- the rambling has stopped. And I thank you for allowing me the opportunity to talk about my wonderful blue eyed boy!

mj