The Audacity of the Sun

It is April 8th -- last year Easter was on April 8th. Easter was three days before Jeff died.
Sunny days are the hardest -- as Jim said in his blog. Jeff epitomized a sunny day. Always cheerful and I mean ALWAYS. I can count on one hand the number of times he wasn't in a good mood and for these few times he managed to be in a bad mood for a nanosecond before returning to his normal state of euphoria. Jeff had so much energy all of the time -- I remember when he was in elementary school -- when I would ask him his spelling words he would be sitting upside down on the sofa with his head where his feet ought to be -- wiggling and spelling each letter in the word out to me. It is a wonderful memory!

These days are harder than any before them. I am reliving one year ago second by second. I have no numbness to protect me from the pain. I saw Pittsford Varsity playing last week - the first game of the season and it was at McAvoy -- the same park where Jeff's last game was and I remembered how at the end of the game on the way home I called my in laws in Florida to report on how well the boys both did -- Jeff scored 3 goals Doug scored 2 and it was such a rush to hear the announcer say "A score by Jeff Milano-Johnson with an assist from Doug Milano-Johnson".

How can the sun continue to shine each day when Jeff is not alive to remind me/us of that kind of glory? A glory only a child can give a parent.