Battered but not permanently bruised

Saturday, two days ago, Dave, Johns 21 year old son, was taken to the emergency room. Dave had had an operation several days before that - a scheduled operation for hip surgery havent had a congenital malformation discovered a number of months ago. He was missing some bone in the knob at the top of the femur where it connects with the hip and needed to have a bone graft to strengthen the area so it would not be prone to breaking.

The hip operation was quick and relatively painless. But they discovered a heart malfunction when they did an ECG during the prep for the hip operation. He has WPW Syndrome - Wolf Parkinson White Syndome -- an extra electrical pathway to his heart that contributes to an excelerated heart beat.

They had told him that he would need to do a stress test after he had recovered from the hip operation. However, two days after the operation he was driven to the ER with a heartbeat of 170. They reaffirmed the problem WPW in the ER and sent him home after scheduling him to have a heart monitor for a week starting today.

That same night, he had another heart episode. Heartbeat was 270 this time. Legs and arms shaking. His heart did not respond to the various tips they had told him to try if it occurred again. He was admitted from the ER and they scheduled for today a cardiac ablation. In this procedure, a catheter is inserted through your groin into your heart where they attempt to "zap" or obliterate the second -- unnecessary or cofounding -- electrical pathway so that it no longer messes up the functioning of your heart. The procedure was 3 hours long - we waited at Strong while it was done. It went well. The procedure has a 95% recovery rate.

We are relieved.

Returning to the ER on Saturday -- the first time I had been there since Jeff's death -- was horrendous for me. I was flooded with memories. I only stayed there a short time since he was only allowed two visitors there and his mom was there as well as John which was appropriate. Frankly, I don't think I could have stayed there longer if I had wanted to. I visited him yesterday and today in the main portion of the hospital first (critical care unit) and then in the basement in the heart catheterization/electric physicist lab today.

I am so very very happy that he seems to be doing well. It was such a scary weekend for us. I kept on thinking that we could not have possibly dealt with Dave dying after Jeff's death. But unlike how I might have felt when I was younger, I now am smart enough/wise enough to know that tragedy can strike as many times as it is meant to. There is no limit to the number of times it can strike the same family.
I also know that praying in these types of situations is helpful to calm yourself and occupy your time, but that to pray in anticipation of changing an outcome just doesn't work. And in that sense, I feel a bit robbed. Because I think most people go through life - most Christians do at least - believing that prayer can and will change outcomes.

Sometimes I feel like underneath this colored head of hair of mine is somewhat completely white haired - underneath this face is one that looks to be a hundred years old. I fell so tired sometimes and so battered by life. Not always mind you. And I am fortunate that I don't feel it always. But much more so than ever before. Is this what happens with age or after the death of your child? I don't know.

Time for rest. Time to thank God again for the support of good friends - Peggy, Elaine, my family....Cos...and Jeff.