The Good Months

I have finally figured out that although Christmas time is no picnic, it pales in comparison to the Spring months. They are the worse. April 11 with the anniversary of Jeff's death; Mother's Day in May culminating with Jeff's birthday June 14th.

BUT It is finally July, mid-July actually, and I am beginning to get my energy back.
I didn't write about the tournament this year and I want to. It was good -- the best parts were the fact that we increased our attendance (more teams this year) -- sponsorships were great also. I started earlier and got more. Had far too many teeshirts made than what I needed. The weather was great and the kids seem to have a lot of fun. One of THE BEST features of this year's tournament was the fact that my sister Cathy came from Florida several days before and my brother John and his wife Ellen came from Worchester, Massachusetts to help out. I didn't realize until they left how much their participation meant to me.

Dan Troup, good friend and parent of two lacrosse players who played with Doug and Jeff, continues to be fantastic. I wouldn't tell him this but I consider him to be a bit of a guardian angel in disguise. It was Dan who did the administrative work to get and keep the fund in Jeff's name going. It was Dan who organized the first tournament and the second. I was merely his helper. Dan sent Jim and I this note after Jeff died explaining why it is that he wishes to do this -- the tournament, the scholarships, the support of ROCE6, the December program for parents/families of bereaved kids simply would not have happened without Dan.

So the tournament went well. Much to my surprise I was able to get up in the middle of it and speak about Jeff (a little) and about the tournament, ROCE6, the fund and the scholarship without losing it completely. That is grace for you.

After the tourney, I went to the cemetary. I like doing this after the tourney -- it gives me a chance to connect with Jeff after a day in his honor. It is always tough -- after all of that work and preparation at the end of the day you have if you are lucky a great tournament, a good amount of money you have raised, happy kids but still a son who is not alive any more.

I prepped mentally for the aftermath - unlike last year. I refrained from going over board while getting ready for the tourney -it is hard not to get caught up in the frenzy of it. But I knew that if I got caught up in the high -- I would plummet equally low afterwards.

I love my sons so much. I love Doug so much and am so very proud of him. He was at the tourney for awhile this year --I love Jeff more than anyone knows.