So here it is, Jeff, Wednesday, two days before your big day. And I have been incredibly busy since I last posted. Finally figured out how to get thru April 11th without falling apart. You would be proud of me...I went to Arkee's school and I spoke in front of about 20 young males in their study hall. I was really nervous...felt like I hadn't spoken ever in front of a group before. Felt like I had nothing to say that any one of them would want to listen to.
But I learned so much about them by doing that. And I guess I learned about myself too. I learned why I am doing all that I am doing with your fund...and what I am trying to do with it. I am trying to follow your lead in being open to everybody regardless of where they have been and where they are going. I am trying to show more of the type of kindness you showed kids who knew you. And I am trying to bridge gaps where the gaps are so huge as to seem unbridgeable. So I talked to the guys about you and Shamar, and showed pictures of you from when you were little playing goalie for the Rattlers to when you were playing on varsity. I showed a video that the D and C had done about Shamar and his life and his death. And then I simply took Uncle Pretzel's advice and spoke from the heart. I told them that what I had learned from you and from Shamar's death was that it didn't matter whether or not I lived in Pittsford or my skin was white or I was older or I was a woman and they weren't. What really mattered was that they and I were more alike than different. And that when push came to shove we were just all trying to live the life we were giving and helping each other out was the best we could do for one another. And finally, 6 years after you died Jeffer, what you have been trying to teach me all of this time made sense. Life is as simple as that.
The guys asked all kinds of questions --what did you die from? did we know about this when you were a baby? could it have been prevented? did you and Doug ever fight? They said it was clear because you and Doug were standing close to one another in all of the pictures that the two of you got along very well. (Ha! Ha!) They asked me if I cried and why I wasn't crying then. One of the guys pulled open his shirt and showed me that he was wearing a JMJ tourney teeshirt with the same silhouette on it of you that was in one of the photos. Jeff, it was the best thing I have ever done on the anniversary of your death. At the end they even asked me if I was going to the game they were scheduled to be watching that afternoon and their first game scheduled for the following Monday. And I asked when it was and of course told them I would have to go...which I did. One of them even referred to me to their mom later - I am told - as Ms. Mary Jane.
So all of that is good. And the tournament this year was really really good. You would have loved it- actually I know you did love it...watching it from above and knowing we were all together to honor you. Yes, Jeffer, you have finally "arrived" as they say, in this world. Arkee's 7/8 grade team from ROCE6 played their first ever tournament there -- wrapping up their first season ever. And even though most of the guys had never even held a stick prior to the fall of last year -- they scored against a number of teams they played against. And they had fun. That was the best, Jeff. They had fun. And all this was how we remembered you this year and I know you were watching it all and I know you were even routing for Arkee's team to beat those other teams they were playing. So, it was all good.
On Saturday, we are having another fundraiser for Rochester Kids. Hope you don't mind that we kind of are renaming your fund. I think you are beyond being upset about something like this - actually I KNOW that you are...given where you are. But thought I would just mention it cuz it is on my mind.
I think the fundraiser at the four local Distillery restaurants on Saturday is going to turn out well for Rochester Kids. I think it is going to translate into more scholarships and more one on one support for not just graduates of the city high schools, but elementary kids as well. And I know that you like all that is happening. And I am so happy about it all and feel so blessed that so very many people are helping us create this in your memory...
But I still hate that your 21st birthday is this Friday...and you won't be here and I won't be taking you out for your first legitimate alcoholic beverage. I would cut open my heart for one chance to see you -- and give my life for one more chance to hug you...what I would do to hear your voice, my love.
I love you so much sweetie. My love will never end.
On my white board in the front room, where I do all of the work on the tourney and fund, is a note I wrote to myself last year. It is such an inspiration to me and it reminds me so much of you. It reads, "A mother 's love will move mountains. I am a mother. I will move mountains."
Thanks for being with me Jeff. I love you so much...more than a million universes...more than infinity... Remember that? I know you do.
So --
Just sayin'.
But I learned so much about them by doing that. And I guess I learned about myself too. I learned why I am doing all that I am doing with your fund...and what I am trying to do with it. I am trying to follow your lead in being open to everybody regardless of where they have been and where they are going. I am trying to show more of the type of kindness you showed kids who knew you. And I am trying to bridge gaps where the gaps are so huge as to seem unbridgeable. So I talked to the guys about you and Shamar, and showed pictures of you from when you were little playing goalie for the Rattlers to when you were playing on varsity. I showed a video that the D and C had done about Shamar and his life and his death. And then I simply took Uncle Pretzel's advice and spoke from the heart. I told them that what I had learned from you and from Shamar's death was that it didn't matter whether or not I lived in Pittsford or my skin was white or I was older or I was a woman and they weren't. What really mattered was that they and I were more alike than different. And that when push came to shove we were just all trying to live the life we were giving and helping each other out was the best we could do for one another. And finally, 6 years after you died Jeffer, what you have been trying to teach me all of this time made sense. Life is as simple as that.
The guys asked all kinds of questions --what did you die from? did we know about this when you were a baby? could it have been prevented? did you and Doug ever fight? They said it was clear because you and Doug were standing close to one another in all of the pictures that the two of you got along very well. (Ha! Ha!) They asked me if I cried and why I wasn't crying then. One of the guys pulled open his shirt and showed me that he was wearing a JMJ tourney teeshirt with the same silhouette on it of you that was in one of the photos. Jeff, it was the best thing I have ever done on the anniversary of your death. At the end they even asked me if I was going to the game they were scheduled to be watching that afternoon and their first game scheduled for the following Monday. And I asked when it was and of course told them I would have to go...which I did. One of them even referred to me to their mom later - I am told - as Ms. Mary Jane.
So all of that is good. And the tournament this year was really really good. You would have loved it- actually I know you did love it...watching it from above and knowing we were all together to honor you. Yes, Jeffer, you have finally "arrived" as they say, in this world. Arkee's 7/8 grade team from ROCE6 played their first ever tournament there -- wrapping up their first season ever. And even though most of the guys had never even held a stick prior to the fall of last year -- they scored against a number of teams they played against. And they had fun. That was the best, Jeff. They had fun. And all this was how we remembered you this year and I know you were watching it all and I know you were even routing for Arkee's team to beat those other teams they were playing. So, it was all good.
On Saturday, we are having another fundraiser for Rochester Kids. Hope you don't mind that we kind of are renaming your fund. I think you are beyond being upset about something like this - actually I KNOW that you are...given where you are. But thought I would just mention it cuz it is on my mind.
I think the fundraiser at the four local Distillery restaurants on Saturday is going to turn out well for Rochester Kids. I think it is going to translate into more scholarships and more one on one support for not just graduates of the city high schools, but elementary kids as well. And I know that you like all that is happening. And I am so happy about it all and feel so blessed that so very many people are helping us create this in your memory...
But I still hate that your 21st birthday is this Friday...and you won't be here and I won't be taking you out for your first legitimate alcoholic beverage. I would cut open my heart for one chance to see you -- and give my life for one more chance to hug you...what I would do to hear your voice, my love.
I love you so much sweetie. My love will never end.
On my white board in the front room, where I do all of the work on the tourney and fund, is a note I wrote to myself last year. It is such an inspiration to me and it reminds me so much of you. It reads, "A mother 's love will move mountains. I am a mother. I will move mountains."
Thanks for being with me Jeff. I love you so much...more than a million universes...more than infinity... Remember that? I know you do.
So --
Just sayin'.
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